Chapter 2……..

Posted: December 6, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

So I quit my job this week.  I have been waylaid by the flu for a while and had lots of time to just reflect.  And the more I reflected, the more I realized I did not belong at that place anymore…and I’m not sure that I ever did.  Ya know, I’ve always been one of those people that looks for the lesson in every situation, every event that takes place in life.  And I’ve come to realize that it’s not always YOUR lesson to learn.  Maybe it wasn’t mine.  From the getgo, it seemed like a weird place for me to be.  At first, I thought, well, I MUST belong here because everyone else is as weird as I am.  Then it was I MUST belong here because of the reality show and my desire to write for Hollywood, etc.  Of course, we all saw it spiral into I MUST belong here because I’m being punished for something.  But, maybe I never belonged there at all.  Maybe I was SOMEONE ELSE’S catalyst for a change.  For me, it will just be marked up as a another transient episode in my life.

And it’s not such a bad thing, to be COMPLETELY starting over.  Actually, that’s not true- it sucks.  Now, I have to convince a brand new group of people I’m still 38-and I’m only gonna be able to pull THAT bullshit off for so long—but I WILL say it’s at least fitting.  My oldest son has been gone to basic training for a month now, I lost 12 pounds while I was sick, and I don’t FEEL like who I was 30 days ago.  The whole network engineer thing?  Yeah, I’m good at it- I’m real good at it.  But, I also make one hell of a curry and I’m a beer pong natural.  It all pretty much means the same thing.  None of it really defines me or who I am-not in my head, anyway.

In my head, I’m an artist-and a damn good one.  In my head, I’m a writer- and a damn good one. In my head, I’m a musician-and a damn good one.  And I have this sort of irreverent faith in a broader calling for myself than what I’ve been doing.  I KNOW I’m destined for more, for different.  I KNOW there’s this space Out There that I DO well and truly belong in, where the Writer and the Artist and the Musician coexist peaceably with the rest of the world.  It will find me.  Rarely does the place of your belonging illuminate itself along your path–no;more often than not it sneaks up behind you and lojacks you when you least expect it.

For now, my focus will be on developing the tv series treatment, working on the novel(s) and maybe beginning a technical dissection of the mechanics of LOST for my blog followers (ie; me).  And of course the political dissident in me will be making every attempt to get sentenced to a FEMA camp–there IS comfort in familiarity.  I don’t know if it was the smart thing to quit my job, or the wise thing.  But, I DO know it was the RIGHT thing–I don’t like feeling that jaded and cynical–it’s not in my nature, and yet, that place was making me that way.

I guess there’s not a whole lot left to say about it expect that I jumped and I’m waiting for the net to appear.

Until then, I just have to ask………………”Naked and Afraid”.  What.  The.  Fuck.  ???


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