Archive for September, 2013

I’m writing this blog at work when I really should be….well, working- but today I have a really bad case of Fuck That and I can’t seem to concentrate.  I’m pretty sure that’s one of the symptoms.  That and listening to Luke Brown music.  And Skyping your buddy ridiculous icons.  Yeah, I think I got it bad.

Truth is, I don’t belong here.  I run the IT department at a novelty toy company, and while that sounds like a shitload of fun, it really ain’t.  I guess it’s the owner that makes it feel more like Stalag 19 than Margueritaville.  He’s a jerk.  I know, I know-everybody says their boss is a jerk.  Mine really is, and to make matters worse,he’s fronting on this reality show they’re filming here like he’s some kinda altruistic Miracle Man.  Uh-huh.  Makes me wanna puke frankly-he treats his employees like shit and if I could blow the lid off his whole saintly persona I would.

Which brings us to what I wasn’t talking about:  THe Fifth Estate, otherwise known as the Lying Fucking Media.

This Cult of Complicity is EVERYWHERE.  It’s not just in the way the news gets spun, or the papers print with bias–I’ve seen first-hand how this shit is even in the Entertainment Industry.  Reality?  Far fucking from it.  I have managed to evade the film crews on the occasions that they have been here because I refuse to dumb myself down just to be on TV.  Who gives a shit?  The first time they were here they reeked absolute havoc on my network and overloaded it, preventing orders coming in for THREE DAYS.  Needless to say, I was pissed.  I hung a sign on my office door that just read “Bat Cave” and I kept it shut.

The nature of the unreality built into this is incredible.  I assumed that a lot of it would be scripted, just to help it flow better- but I didn’t expect out and out lies, “employees” that don’t even work here, and the plagiarism of my boys from Duck Dynasty.  I love the Robertson Family- I can relate to them.  My family is pretty much just like that; core values that shape our lives and determine the decisions we make in any given situation.  We’re basically conservative and have faith that a Higher Power guides our lives ( we all have different names for it).  But, this show that’s being filmed here?  That’s exactly what it is, a show.  It’s being build as “reality tv” when there”s not a fuckin’ thing REAL about it.  And I think what bothers me most is the arrogance and assumptions on the part of the owner here.  We all signed waivers that stated we would not attempt to benefit financially from this show (no spin-offs, which is a shame because that’s where the REAL world is) and it was assumed that we would all want to be in it.  Not me.  I’m trying to make a name for myself as a serious writer.  The LAST thing I want is to be inked to whatever redneck racist disaster this show will be.  And how could I possibly participate in a “reality show”  that had no hint of realism in it?

The owner isn’t some sort of financial genius that rose from the depths of poverty to the heights of fame because he was brilliant and creative and gifted.  He got fucking lucky.  A college buddy created a product that he capitalized on, end of story.

The real story here is the people who work for him.

There’s a lady that goes to church every Sunday and works with drug addicts and alcoholics.  She’s always volunteering somewhere or donating something.  There’s another woman here that IS a recovering addict.  She’s got a heart of gold and I’m PROUD to call her my friend.  One woman has a husband with a cheating past and another has had multiple husbands (we’re pretty sure she killed them all for the insurance money-I love you, Kitty), but she’s like a second mom to me).  My boss works her ass off and is probably the most reliable, dependable, conscientious person I have ever met in my entire life.  And there’s an employee that works off site because all the other employees think she’s Satan’s spawn from Hell and refuse to work in the same building with her.  One guy has 3 kids and is just trying to support his family.  Another is very well read and likes to talk politics.  This is where the story is, this is where the reality is-not walking around the waterfall at the owner’s house (which he put in specifically for this show) listening to him give advice on parenting. (Puh-leeze.  Not when Child Protective Services have been called on him and his wife MULTIPLE times.  Now, THERE’s some reality he won’t want to talk about!

Maybe I’m forgetting that it’s “entertainment”.  I suppose.  But, it’s “entertainment”, not “enterlyingmyassoff-ment”.  When this show airs there will be people out there that actually believe the circumstances surrounding this business are for real-that the owner is a saint and folks are lined up down the block to have him bless their latest “inventions”.  He’s not the benevolent creative force the public thinks he is and the REAL story at this place is the people who work here (for just barely above minimum wage, I might add).  Their stories are funny and heart-breaking and human.  You won’t get that from him and his house full of trained monkeys- or whatever the hell kinda animal he’s got.  But, thank Reality TV  for providing the illusion,because, baby that’s all it is: an illusion.  THIS is why I wanna slap the shit outa Honey Boo Boo and THIS is why I don’t watch Reality TV.

But, then again, maybe I don’t really have any room to talk.  I mean, when LOST ended I had a hard time dealing with it.  I had an emotional investment in those people!  It was tough.  Two months of my life was spent getting to know Jack and Kate and Sawyer and Sayid (I watched on NetFlix) and then another three when I watched  in what I called “reruns”.  Now, I know most normal people haven’t seen the ENTIRE series five times like I have, but I’m sure they can understand what I’m talking about when I say I miss all of them.  And that was illusion.   And, like Jack and Kate and Sawyer and Sayid, I often feel like i’m in some kinda weird flash sideways, alternate universe here.  That was just as big a fantasy as what the owner is trying to pull off here. The difference is the owner here is fully aware of it being bullshit and is STILL gonna try to pass it off as Truth.


I prefer my own illusion to them all–me and Naveen and that beach–and I’m only here as long as the checks clear.

Which I don’t think will be much longer…..