Reality Bites…..

Posted: July 23, 2013 in Uncategorized
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So, I work for this novelty toy company where yes- it IS as weird as you might think.  I’m at work the other day and it’s summer in the Midwest which means its hot as hell, and I’m wearing shorts to work.  Working where I do it is no big surprise to have various animals in and out of the office. That’s right: animals. As in the four-legged variety. ( The owner of the company is a big animal lover, which is great, don’t get me wrong. I am,too. The difference between he and I however is HE’S “eccentric” for keeping animals in the office. I’D just be “fuckin’ weird”. What separates us? A couple of tax brackets.) Currently, the critter of choice is a baby skunk named Snookems.  Or Stinkums.  Or maybe it’s Steakums….I’m not real sure. Anyway, for some reason it was my turn to babysit the skunk while it was eating lunch. At the same time, my boss (if I really had a boss) decides this is a good time for an impromptu administrative staff meeting. So, there I am, barefoot in jean shorts with a baby skunk under my arm eating mashed banana off a paper plate and my boss is giving us a reminder about “professionalism in the workplace.” Seriously??  Rumor has it we’re going to get our own reality show.  Betcha they don’t film the really GOOD stuff!  The Robertson boys would have NOTHING on us!!

I have no interest in or respect for reality shows.  I mean, come ON-who among us does NOT want to slap the shit out of Honey Boo Boo’s parents? Reality shows are PERFECT for dumbing down an already ignorant populace that has more interest in who’s going to win American Idol than who all covered up Benghazi.  I agree with Naveen Andrews (are you REALLY surprised?….) that reality shows require no thought and as a nation we’re damn good at that: not thinking.  When you go to your next party, or your next office gathering, or hell, even the grocery store, look around you and take a guess how many of the people you see actually READ for fun.  Not for work, not for survival, for FUN.  Then ask them if they’ve ever heard of Tom Robbins.  Or Emily Bronte.  Or Jack Kerouac.

I think that’s a large part of our problem in this country- we have stopped thinking. We don’t teach critical thinking skills to our kids anymore. We don’t have them question anything they are told , just regurgitate the facts when it becomes necessary. Both my boys are critical thinkers and one ALWAYS pushes the envelope, much to my chagrin. But I never worry about them being “enslaved” by anything: not a job, not a woman, not a lifestyle or an ideology. They THINK, and I can’t say the same thing about many of their friends or kids their age. I was always taught to “question with boldness, the very existence of God”, which I think may have added to my OWN issues with authority as a kid. But I read books on quantum mechanics and unified field theory for fun. The other girls at work read romance novels. Is there something wrong with me? They seem to think so; I’m the “quirky one” or the “oddball”, and while they can’t get enough of Hollywood-gone-to-hell with the filming of this reality series, I hung a sign on my office door that read “Bat Cave” and no one even bothered to ask me why….

Please, please, please, don’t misconstrue what I’m saying. I’m all FOR Hollywood. Eventually that’s where I want to end up. But not in front of the camera- behind it, writing, maybe even directing. No, my slam is aimed at the “unwashed masses” so to speak; the socially illiterate women I work with that know EVERYTHING about “Naked and Afraid” and NOTHING about the Glass-Steagall Act. These people frighten me, especially in large groups, because I know they weild tremendous power in great numbers. I’m surrounded by more and more of them and I’m beginning to think the only real solution is for me to emigrate. The question, though, becomes where. Mmmmm….yep, back to that island….me and Naveen and the Wall Street Journal……..


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